Today, December 23rd, I dedicate my column to my mother, Marina Bello-Ruivivar, who is turning 85 years old.
As I shared in my last column, she just got out of the hospital. She was treated for pneumonia and asthma. Her rheumatologist, Dr. Ellen Hao-Tanopo (Doc Ellen), proudly declares that my mom is her longest surviving lupus patient. Mom got diagnosed with lupus (systemic lupus erythematous or SLE) in 1993 when she was 54 years old (same age I am now).
Doc Ellen was finishing her rheumatology training at the Philippine General Hospital (PGH) when she first met my mom so she’s essentially her first lupus patient. She told us she is planning on retiring from medical practice soon so my mom has been in her care practically her entire professional career. We both believe mom will probably outlive us.
“When my other patients get depressed because of their lupus diagnosis, I tell them about your mom and how she is living proof that you can still live a long, productive and meaningful life even with lupus,” Doc Ellen shared to me.
Lupus is a chronic autoimmune disease in which the immune system, which normally protects the body from infections, mistakenly attacks healthy tissues and organs. This can cause inflammation, pain, and damage to various parts of the body. Lupus can affect the skin, joints, kidneys, brain, heart, lungs, and blood cells.
My mom’s lupus manifests in joint pain and swelling (rheumatoid arthritis) and skin disorder (psoriasis). Right now, her lupus is not in flare.
When she was diagnosed at 54, my mom was a busy solo parent to a 23-year old daughter who was working far away from home. So my role as a caregiver started remotely, the same time I was also starting my life as an independent career woman, a probinsyana navigating life in Metro Manila.
Mom did not make me worry about her because she remained active and did not show any signs of pain or depression. So I did not think having lupus was serious because my mom seemed alright and living her best life. Actually, it was Mayor Rodrigo (Rody) Duterte who guilt-tripped me into coming home to Davao in 1997, ordering me that as my mom’s only child, I should be here with her (and if it also benefitted him in the process that I served as his chief-of-staff, that’s just a nice bonus).
Before she retired, my mom worked full-time as Vice-President of Academic Affairs of the Rizal Memorial Colleges (RMC), the school her father co-founded as one of the pioneering stockholders. She also studied at RMC where her father also taught. Before joining the school’s management team, she served as a college teacher for many years while taking post-graduate studies. She earned her Ph.D. while working full-time.
My mom started working as a teacher at RMC the year I was born, 1970. And she is still with RMC now, even in her retirement years, serving as Treasurer of the Board of Directors. She is a Rizalian, through and through.
She was not just an educator, she also led the RMC Credit Cooperative. She used her teaching skills to help grow the cooperative movement not only in Davao City, but in the entire Davao region. Because of her work in the cooperative movement, she was elected to represent the non-government organizations (NGO) in the city to the Davao City Development Council (CDC). She chaired the Economic Development Committee of the CDC and became its longest-serving NGO representative under the leadership of Mayor Rody. They were the first co-workers before I even joined the city government.
Yes, my mother was the OG (original) public servant in the family. In fact, long before Rody Duterte became mayor, my mom already served as Barangay Kagawad of Barangay 9-A. They did not have a proper barangay hall then so they were having their sessions at our old house at V. Mapa corner Pardo de Tavera Streets. I remember people coming to our house early in the morning asking for all kinds of assistance. My young mind did not understand why my mom was asked to solve our community’s problems before breakfast but she readily attended to all of them before going to her full-time work at RMC.
During my mom’s stint as a barangay official, they did not get any honorarium or allowance. It was purely volunteer work. It was a far cry from the perks and budgets of barangay officials now. This was way before the Local Government Code.
I think my mom was asked to run for city councilor at one point but she refused because she did not want to leave her vocation — which was education (both her parents were teachers). But she remained active in the civil society movement volunteering her time and energy to causes she believed in like consumer protection (she was part of Konsumo Dabaw), cooperativism, saving Davao River, teaching Davao history, and promoting peace.
My mom was already doing all these things when she was diagnosed with lupus. Then she added another involvement – Rotary. She became a Rotarian the same year she got diagnosed. It’s like she was daring her lupus to slow her down. She’s a proud charter member and past president of the Rotary Club of Downtown Davao (RCDD). Not content with just being active in the club level, she also served in Rotary International District 3860 in various capacities, including serving as District Secretary. She is “mother’ to all Rotarians in the district, always “serving above self.”
In 2008, my mom was bestowed the Datu Bago Award, the highest award given by the City of Davao to its outstanding citizens for their meaningful contribution to the city’s growth and development. I remember her wondering why she was chosen for the award when she was just, and I quote, “living my life and doing what needed to be done.”
When I was younger, I did not want to be like my mom. I am much messier, less organized, and super nonlinear. But now that I am older, I may not be exactly like my mom, but I realize I am living like her, continuing what she started, doing what needs to be done. Her life of integrity, courage, service, and love showed me it can be done. And I am doing it with a few innovations here and there. She tells me that it’s the best gift I could ever give her.
I am sharing my mother’s story to show that a solo parent and main breadwinner who survived a failed marriage while battling lupus can overcome all that and still have time and energy to volunteer to help others and solve our community’s problems. And live to be 85 and thrive. ###
