Recent Senate hearings here in the Philippines tackled sexual abuse brought by the complaint of Sandro Muhlach against two people in power within an industry he is working in. In the course of these hearings, Senator Robin Padilla exposed his lack of understanding about consent within a marriage and probably in any other context.
Yes, this is the tragedy of Philippine politics that people who lack the basic understanding of important concepts essential to legislation are elected into the Senate.
So for the benefit of Senator Robin and those who have not yet received and read the memo, let us talk about abuse and consent.
Abuse and consent are deeply interconnected. Abuse refers to any behavior that is intended to control, dominate, or harm another person. It can be physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, or financial.
Consent is the agreement, permission, or assent given by an individual to participate in a specific activity, particularly in the context of sexual activity. It is a fundamental concept that ensures all parties involved are willingly and knowingly participating.
Consent is about respecting other people’s boundaries and recognizing their autonomy over their own minds and bodies.
Abuse inherently involves a violation of consent.
To understand the nature of consent, the following elements must be present: (1) Voluntary – consent must be given freely and without any form of pressure, coercion, or manipulation; (2) Informed – all parties must have a clear understanding of what they are consenting to that includes knowing the nature of the activity, the potential risks involved, and having the capacity to make an informed choice; (3) Explicit – should be clearly communicated, either verbally or through clear and unmistakable non-verbal cues. No ambiguities nor assumptions; (4) Revocable – it can be withdrawn at any time and must be respected; (5) Mutual – must be shared by all parties involved.
Power dynamics in any relationship complicate consent. Imbalances of power, such as in hierarchical relationships or situations involving authority figures, may coerce people to do things they are uncomfortable with. So it is important to be aware of and address these dynamics to ensure genuine consent.
Coercion is a tactic often used in abusive relationships to force compliance or participation in activities. It can involve threats, intimidation, or emotional manipulation, making it impossible for the victim to freely give or withdraw consent.
It is not consent if the person is clearly incapacitated to give permission, such as being unconscious, intoxicated, or impaired to make a decision. Silence does not mean yes when the person cannot intelligently respond. Remember if it is ambiguous (not clear) or if it is merely assumed, that does not equal consent. It must be an explicit and enthusiastic yes.
It is also important to remember that getting consent for one type of sexual activity does not mean you have consent for other kinds. Like if you agreed to kiss that does not mean you also agree to “going all the way” to intercourse. That is why consent must be obtained continuously at every step. Because consent can be withdrawn and when it is, the activity must stop immediately. Yes, we can all change our minds and that needs to be respected as well.
It is the same with consenting to a person using your phone to text or call someone. Just because that person has permission to use your phone, that does not automatically mean you are consenting to that person to do whatever he or she wants with your phone beyond what you initially consented to. Your permission must be sought for other things. What is applicable to your phone is also applicable to your body.
Which brings us to the issue of marital rape. I think Senator Robin is confused as to why he needs to get his partner’s permission to have sex when they are already married. He still subscribes to the outdated belief that consent is perpetual in a marriage.
This belief is based on patriarchal norms and the idea that marriage constitutes a permanent and unconditional agreement. And this assumption was applied to wives having to “service” their husbands’ sexual needs on demand, whether they feel like it or not. That their consent to marry implicitly included their perpetual consent to have sex with their husbands.
Marriage then assumed that wives are their husbands’ property. Women’s rights are secondary to their husbands’ rights. They were not equal partners in the marriage so there was no need to get the woman’s consent on having sex or on anything really. Just like slaves in the old days.
Well, it turned out they were wrong about slavery. So they abolished that. And they were wrong about women not being human, too. So now it is universally accepted that women’s rights are human rights. Women need to give their consent because they are humans with dignity and deserve respect (married or not).
It may have taken a long time but the world changed. By the early 2000s, a growing number of countries, including the Philippines, had enacted laws specifically criminalizing marital rape. International human rights organizations, such as the United Nations, emphasize the importance of consent in marriage and advocate for the criminalization of marital rape.
As a legislator, Senator Robin needs to adhere to that, and he must make an effort to educate himself and embark on serious self-reflection about women being humans and having equal rights as men.
It is the Age of Intelligence and the Fourth Industrial Revolution, it is time to be intelligent and normalize the culture of consent. Before exploring outer space and conquering Mars, we should first create safe spaces here on Earth where asking for consent and respecting the responses to it is the standard.
Promoting a culture of consent involves recognizing personal boundaries and building a safer and more respectful environment for everyone. Consent is fundamental to treating others with dignity and respect. It is crucial to distinguish between respectful interactions and abuse.
As Laura McGuire wrote in her 2021 article on “Creating Cultures of Consent for the Next Generation”: “Above all, consent is respect for the dignity, personhood, and well-being of every living thing. It is not simply asking for or receiving permission but holistically seeing each person that you interact with and wanting them to enthusiastically and wholeheartedly choose whether to interact with you or not.”
