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My Turn | Liquor ban


THE government is correct in stopping the sale of liquor while COVID-19 is still running wild. We rarely drink alone because those who do are losers, loners or anti-social. Drinking means merry making, eating, dancing, singing and loud storytelling. The risks are: you cannot eat or drink with a mask or shield on; an hour of drinking makes us forget social distancing, we become deaf so we go closer to hear each other or to dance. This is the perfect COVID-19 ground.
Those in barrios are innovative and resourceful. They make their own drinks. 1. Rice wine from water and fermented rice plus herbs and spices equals Sioktong (which we copied from China) or Vino Kulafu. 2. Coconut water is stored in big earthen jars or bottles for days until even ok-ok and ants ran away from the smell. There are 3 kinds of coconut based drink. 1.) Tam-is, add chocolate, Royal Tru Orange, an egg equals “kutil”. It’s good for your health, 2) “Bahalina” or light and “Bahal” or strong. It’s ready for drinking when flies drop dead while landing or flying over the jar. 3) “Siete Biernes”, in theory, stored for 7 Fridays or weeks. 7 Biernes is a versatile liquid. It is used as lighter fluid, replacement for kerosene, disinfectant or jet fuel. The side effect after 2 or more shots are you either become half blind or semi-paralyzed or worse, no more “bayang magiliw” – stand up the flag.
Interestingly enough, Mongolia’s favorite drink is fermented cow’s milk. Jivaro head hunters love the leaves they chew until it becomes wet and liquid, then they spit it on a cup and drink it hours later. Now that’s macho drinking.
Low IQ alcoholics buy from “boticas” 2 kinds of medicinal drinks – vino de quino, which pregnant or weak, sickly mothers take; and tiki-tiki to prevent beri-beri. These are made for women and children. A man who drinks them in place of liquor will suffer bad defects: a) the armpit hairs will be thicker than the hair on your head; and b) your eyebrows and nose hairs will disappear.
Storing beer until New Year’s Eve is not a good idea. Unlike liquor, beer hidden in dry, hot dingy, dusty, dark bodegas for many weeks become stale. The trick is to taste one bottle every week. If the taste or smell reminds you of varnish paint, rubbing alcohol with labuyo or urine of a pregnant goat, better throw it out. Or, give it to your disagreeable neighbor. Cheers!


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