THE HOLIDAYS are always a time for all sorts of reunions and the most popular is the reunion with people we went to high school with. And the older we get, the more we look forward to it.
Of course, not everyone liked high school. Especially those who experienced trauma like bullying, exclusion, and social rejection. Going to high school reunions can be triggering for them. But, generally, we like going back to high school and reliving those times with our classmates.
High school often feels like the best time because of the unique circumstances we experienced during that time. It is a formative time in life when we are figuring out who we are. We were still our unfiltered selves and we have not developed the “masks” we wear in adulthood. So it was easier to make friends who are genuine.
Friendships forged in high school are special because of shared growth and milestones. Experiencing many “firsts” together — first loves, first heartbreaks, first kisses. Sharing those awkward, exciting, and transformative years created deep bonds. Spending a significant amount of time together — hours every day in class, extra-curricular activities, and other social events — naturally fostered closeness.
Unlike in adulthood, when schedules are packed with responsibilities, high school friendships often revolve around carefree fun and spontaneous adventures. On the other hand, shared challenges like dealing with tough teachers, pressures of exams, and teenage drama developed a sense of solidarity.
Childhood friends help shape who we are and our early relationships often serve as the foundation for our social development, emotional growth, and lifelong memories.
Our early interactions teach us how to express ourselves, resolve conflicts, and empathize with others. We also learn collaboration and teamwork through shared activities like playing games or working on school projects.
Childhood friends provide a sense of comfort and understanding. They often become our early confidants. Their companionship also validates us and bolsters our self-esteem.
They are our comrades in our journey to self-discovery and exploration of identity. Through shared experiences, childhood friends influence our interests, habits, and perspectives. They are also our partners in experimentation. They offer a nonjudgemental environment to explore likes and dislikes, styles, and behaviors.
Early friendships also teach us the importance of reliability, loyalty, and mutual respect, which form the basis of future relationships. Childhood friends often share a similar background, helping us feel connected to our cultural roots and social context.
Many childhood friendships evolve into lifelong relationships that provide continuity and a unique shared history. If we are lucky, the friends we made in high school remain to be our closest friends today. But there are also friends we have outgrown and seeing them during reunions can become awkward.
While friendships from adolescence are often profound, their longevity depends on the effort to maintain them through life’s transitions.
Outgrowing childhood friends is a natural part of life as we grow, change, and develop new interests, values, and priorities. While it can be bittersweet, it is a common and often healthy process.
We outgrow some friends from childhood for various reasons. One can be geographical separation which limits opportunities to spend time together and weaken the bond over time. Another is diverging interests that make it harder to connect as deeply as before.
Growth sometimes leads to shifts in values, perspectives, or beliefs that may no longer align and create distance in the relationship.
Major life events like marriage, having children, or career changes can also place friends in different life stages, which impact how much we relate to each other.
Sometimes self-discovery and development can highlight unhealthy or mismatched dynamics in a friendship leading to a natural drift.
Signs that we have outgrown a childhood friend include conversations that feel forced; different priorities; emotional disconnect wherein you feel less understood and supported by each other; and effort that seems one-sided.
Meanwhile, childhood friendships that survive growth through the years usually have these three things: (1) adaptability – embracing new dynamics in the relationship; (2) effort — making time to stay in touch even with busy schedules; and (3) mutual respect – accepting each other’s growth and differences.
High school reunions reconnect us with childhood friends who remain close to us and those we have outgrown. Through them, we are able to measure our personal growth. Do we still hold grudges? Have our feelings and behaviors changed toward certain friends? Are we kinder now and less judgmental? Have we joyfully embraced how we changed and how they changed? Do we still feel threatened by and jealous of certain friends? Or are we genuinely happy for them and with them?
Reunions are not only opportunities to rekindle our early friendships, they are also celebrations of our shared history and a chance to reflect on those shared experiences. Revisiting the past in a familiar setting with familiar faces brings a sense of comfort and a reminder of simpler times.
For some, high school wasn’t the best experience and a reunion can offer a chance to rewrite those memories by forming better connections or gaining a new perspective on the past. It can be an opportunity for closure.
So it’s not just nostalgia and “being stuck in adolescence” that we like going back to high school. High school reunions can be a form of reset. It reconnects us to our foundations, our roots, our unfiltered selves.
It is called a homecoming because our high school community is sort of our docking station, our safe harbor. We are among friends who knew us before we learned cynicism and fear and all those defense mechanisms to cover them up. High school brings back the uncomplicated version of us and returning to that time and space gives us hope that we can still reclaim the good parts of ourselves that were lost on our way to adulting.
