Feeling under the weather can surely conjure up some surreal ideas and images in one’s head difficult to put out into paper. Most of the time, during those Castaneda dream states, I try as best I could to just lie back and trip on whatever plays and crosses my mind. Sadly, the designated flock of sheep intended for counting has already departed for the shelter of the barn. The storm in my head must have alerted them there will be no such performance tonight.
During one time, with the excruciating pain coming in like pulsating heartbeats magnified in my ears already smothered by pillows, I dreamt they were like peaceful water droplets instead, plopping gently down an already-filled pail in the garden. Their rhythmic stabs, in perfect synch with the heartbeats. That vision somehow helped in easing the pain and made me sleep somewhat to last till morning. No matter how restless that may have been, I thought, thank God for dreaming and other small miracles like that.
Under such conditions likewise brings to mind silent tales narrated by others who have shared how it was when they faced their own, more major ordeals. The most unforgettable one for me comes from my late mother. At one time, during an intensely painful moment in her bout with cancer in the hospital, she told me what gets her going is the thought she was merely sharing the pain that Jesus felt and that made it bearable. Didn’t know what to make of it then and till now, I’m wondering if other old people felt that way.
My heart also goes out to one dear friend who had a life-changing accident years ago who shared a journal of her years of doubt and anguish, all under numbing pain until eventually winning through to accept and declare life is beautiful and best well lived after all.
These two slip in and out of consciousness as I dealt with my own trial, often belittling it as drama when I’m weeks from now reminiscing about this present predicament. True, people tend to live deep inside their own nostalgia and love magnifying every trying moment.
Alas, when we arrived at the hospital and painkillers were at last injected into me intravenously, the doc said stop lifting heavy things from now on. At my age, I should forget about youthful magic and try to walk lightly. When the x-ray result came out, true to what he said, under complaint was written and misspelled, step neck.
